


Executive Bara

by Jougetsu



Category: Fate/Zero
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Office, M/M, Office Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-26
Updated: 2016-10-03
Packaged: 2018-02-06 06:44:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,034
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1848301
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jougetsu/pseuds/Jougetsu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Maybe Waver would have liked the new security guard better if he hadn't mistaken him for a woman the first day on the job.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [theblindtorpedo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/theblindtorpedo/gifts).



> Takes place in modern day London with all the characters working for the same company because why not? Prompt from the ficlet trope meme on tumblr.

The new guard was from the Continent, Balkans Waver was pretty sure. He was loud with a big booming laugh and Waver wasn't really sure he was doing his job properly because no one should be smiling that much at work. Much to Waver's chagrin the new guard got along great with the whole security division. They gave themselves nicknames akin to RPG classes (Lancer, Archer, Rider, really now!) and were generally beloved by the whole building.

Maybe Waver would have liked him better if Iskander Philemon hadn't mistaken him for a woman the first day on the job. Yes, he liked to keep his hair long and yes it had been raining so he wore his long trench, but his attache case was not a lady's purse!

It was startling to see such a broad bear of a man at the security desk even more startling was the static shock of desire that shot up Waver's spine when their eyes met. Like a schoolboy he blushed and fumbled for his identification.

“Good morning, Miss...Velvet? Such a soft name for a lovely lady!” Iskander had the audacity to say when he checked Waver's ID card and even worse had the cheek to kiss his hand before Waver voice a protest. Irisviel, who rode the same train and always walked with him to work, had the decency to defuse the situation by waving over Arturia ('Saber' was her handle and Waver had a feeling she probably was skilled in swordfighting).

“Don't be an arse, Rider,” the professional blonde thankfully did not laugh. “Mr. Velvet is one of Grail Corp's top analysts. Way out of your league so no more overtures unless I see some rings.”

“Mister or miss I am honored to meet you,” the massive redheaded guard rumbled giving a bow before releasing Waver's hand (which was still tingling where lips had pressed against it).

“Yes, well, I'm no lady,” Waver bristled remembering the constant teasing in his school years for looking 'like a girl' even though he was certain the guard wasn't malicious in the least.

After that Iskander kept his greetings simple though Waver couldn't deny the sincerity in them made butterflies rise up in his stomach. Just because the man was completely and utterly his type didn't mean that Waver was just going to fall into his arms (even if those arms were just the right size to be embraced by). Besides he was married to his work and didn't have time for anything more than a one-night stand and he'd lost his taste for that after his first one.

“Good morning, Mr. Velvet,” accompanied by a wide smile perked up Waver every weekday morning almost as much as his favorite cup of tea.

“Good evening, Mr. Velvet” kept him warm all the way home.

If Waver dreamt of him, feverish sweltering dreams, soft melting dreams, no one needed to be privy to that secret. It all stayed in the realm of the impossible until the fire.

The fire wasn't a large one by any stretch of the imagination, but it did require the whole building to be evacuated as swiftly as possible. Waver was quite proud he made it down fifteen flights of stairs with his stack of papers, laptop, coat, and coffee until he overbalanced and fell down the last half flight.

In good news his plush winter coat cushioned the fall and he didn't hit his head. The not-so-good news was that his laptop was probably broken beyond repair and his outfit was soggy from spilled coffee. The flat out bad news was that his ankle was very likely broken or badly sprained and there was no one around to help. Just him and the loud echo of the fire alarm in the stairwell.

After a few minutes he found the energy to haul himself up using the railing when the stairwell door opened and Iskander came in. Muttering curses Iskander had scooped up Waver, files, and laptop in his arms and hauled him out through the lobby with frightening efficiency.

It should have been shameful being carried bridal style by the man he had a crush on in front of his colleagues. Waver surprised himself by feeling nothing but a fuzzy gratitude and anticipated playing it over in his mind for lonely nights.

“You're even stronger than you look, Mr. Philemon,” Waver murmured into the man's chest, ignoring the chaos of fire engines and emergency personnel cluttering up the street in front of their building.

Iskander didn't reply in words instead he just held Waver a bit tighter and frowned as he looked up to where smoke was pouring out the windows of their workplace. Eventually the paramedics rather insisted on Waver being taken to hospital to get checked over which put an end to Waver experiencing Iskander's extraordinary strength.

Several x-rays later Waver was sent home and a brand new laptop courtesy of Grail Corp was waiting for him. What caught his eye was a small scrawled note reading 'Take care!!' signed 'I. Philemon' atop the stack of new documents sent over with the laptop.

Tucked into one file was paper with Arturia's neat writing, 'Rider was worried about you. If you want to call him this is his mobile number.'

Waver couldn't bring himself to be upset at Arturia's interference. She was always the consummate professional from what he could tell, but also staunchly loyal to her friends and coworkers. He blushed to think of her observing the way he and Iskander looked at each other. That first clumsy flirtation notwithstanding the connection between them while quiet was undeniable.

There was something about Iskander's unfailing courtesy, his boisterousness that stirred something in the depths of Waver that had been dormant for a long time. Generally he associated with other serious, work-oriented folk none of which he would call friends. Instead of rubbing him the wrong way Iskander seemed to click with him. They complemented each other or at least that was Waver's impression from what little he knew of the man.

With any luck the number in his hand would lead to knowing a lot more of him.

“Hello?” Iskander's tone was curious and Waver let the sound of the other man's voice wash over him a brief moment before replying.

“Mr. Philemon, this is Waver Velvet from Grail Corp,” Waver was proud of himself for not stammering. “I uh, wanted to thank you for everything you've done. I mean for what you did today. I'm really quite grateful and Ms Arturia was kind enough to give me your number. She said you were um worried about my condition and I just wanted to let you know I'm fine. It's just a minor hairline fracture.” Why wouldn't Iskander talk? Waver knew he was babbling and cringed at his own awkwardness. This was why he kept everyone at arm's length, polite civility had lovely rules everywhere. 

“Mr. Velvet.” Only two words, but Waver could swear that Iskander was savoring how they sounded on his tongue. His voice was softer now and Waver would never admit it aloud that the shift unfurled a syrupy melting feeling inside him. “I'm so glad you called. I'll have to thank Saber for passing on my number.”

“Please thank her for me as well since I won't be in for a week or so. Grail Corp is letting me work from home since most of what I do is on computers.” Stop running at the mouth, Velvet!

“I will, thank her that is,” Iskander said. “How are you feeling? You didn't look good when the ambulance came.”

Lonely. Bored. Tired. Wanting.

Of course he didn't say any of that. “The ankle hurts, but I'll survive.”

“If there's anything you need just call. You know my shift hours so just call, okay?”

There was probably something in the Grail Corp manual about fraternization, but Waver was pretty sure that their security team was technically hired and managed by an outside firm.

Also he could care less at the moment. Now that he'd had a glimpse at what he could have Waver found himself greedy.

“I will, call that is,” Waver answered voice at last steady. “Thank you, Mr. Philemon.”

“Good night, Mr. Velvet.”

It was no one's business if his face started to ache from smiling.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This wouldn't have gotten written if not for the support and enthusiasm of theblindtorpedo! <3 
> 
> One more chapter to go until the Waverider happily-ever-after!

To absolutely no one's surprise the fire was found to be started by Caster. Gilles Caster was allegedly the great uncle of prominent Grail Corp board member Uryuu. Privately Waver had his doubts of their blood relation, but always gave them a wide berth as their bond as sociopaths was quite clear. Waver learned all of this from a detailed confidential report that Saber sent to him. Iskander sent a text shortly afterward warning Waver to be careful and to let him know as soon as he was due back at work.

“Do you alert all the employees with sprained ankles?” Waver teased, only slightly astonished at his daring to flirt. 

“Only the ones with names as soft as velvet,” chirped Iskander before his voice turned serious once more. “Please, Mr. Velvet, take care. Mr. Caster has been growing bolder in his threatening behavior towards Grail Corp employees.” 

“I don't know anything about Uryuu or Caster. I doubt the man views me as a threat.” For a brief moment Waver imagined himself locked in a covert deadly game against Uryuu and Caster like something out of those spy dramas. The idea was too ridiculous to entertain even as a fantasy. “You needn't overly concern yourself about me, Mr. Philemon. I'm merely a dull nine-to-five analyst.” 

“You're much more than that.”

Waver's ears roared with the sound of his own pulse and he couldn't tell if his heart was skipping beats or going faster. “G-good night, Mr. Philemon.” 

“Good night, Mr. Velvet.”

Waver's first day back at the office felt more important than it should have. Technically he never stopped working as he had been working from home since the fire. Still everyone made a fuss and no one made a bigger fuss than Iskander who greeted him with a ridiculous bouquet of exotic flowers when he came through the front doors that morning. 

"Welcome back, Mr. Velvet!" Iskander gave a bow that was courtly instead of mocking and held out the bouquet with a flourish.

Half a dozen protests were at the tip of Waver's tongue; he did not need flowers, he was not a woman, he did require such romantic gestures. But they were all silenced by Iskander's eager open manners and genuine warmth. 

"Mr. Philemon you are all kindness," Waver managed as he accepted the bouquet. Upon closer inspection it was quite remarkable - a unique gathering of lilies and orchids and other blooms he recognized from arrangements at only the best hotels. If nothing else looking up each variety would keep him quite entertained which was more than he'd thought a bouquet could provide. 

"If you've still got a hand free," Arturia came forward with a small box. "I got some croissants and pastries from that bakery you like. Thought you might need more than just posies to get you through your first day back." 

"Thank you, both of you," Waver tried to exercise courtesy to Arturia, but to his shame he couldn't look away from Iskander's beaming countenance. And he was very grateful for the baked goods. It's just that he was also caught off guard by Iskander's choice of gift. 

When he gets to his desk there is an elegant empty vase there awaiting his bouquet and a small note that read 'I promise to catch you next time you fall.' Even if he didn't recognize the handwriting Waver would recognize that brand of sentimentality anywhere. 

He wondered what he could do to match the gesture as Waver was becoming quite fond of Iskander, but had little experience in something like courtship. It came as a surprise even to himself when as he was leaving for the day Waver asked Iskander, "Mr. Philemon, are you available for dinner this Friday?" 

"Why, Mr. Velvet, there is no engagement that could keep me from attending a dinner with you." Iskander's words were both polished and rough, tinged with a huskiness that had Waver nearly shivering.

Seven o'clock Friday evening arrived at last, Waver had felt the week stretched on sluggishly. Even the surprise visits from Uryuu didn't make the time go by any faster. He couldn't decide what was worse; being bored with this week's spreadsheets or explaining said spreadsheets to board member Uryuu. All of the week's tedium was forgotten though when he met Iskander in front of the restaurant. 

Iskander cut a fine figure in his uniform to be sure, but that was nothing compared to how he filled out a suit. Waver could tell it was tailored by how well it accentuated the man's broad frame. In fact it was nicer than the suit Waver was wearing by a factor of ten and that was unexpected.

"Am I overdressed?" Iskander quirked an eyebrow at Waver's expression. "You seem almost distressed, Mr. Velvet." 

"Distressed is the last thing I am, Mr. Philemon," Waver answered as they went inside to claim their reservation. "A better word might be 'overwhelmed.'" 

"Really? Because this seems like a little thing to be overwhelmed by," said Iskander. "It's just a change of clothes. I thought it would take a lot more to impress you." 

"You are an impressive man all by yourself," Waver said, smile playing on his lips. "And I'd much prefer to be overwhelmed by you than by something less pleasant like overtime or overbearing board members." 

A shadow flickered across Iskander's face, but he said nothing so Waver let it slide. No need to poke at things when they had a dinner date to enjoy. Iskander let Waver order for them though Waver was beginning to suspect the man wasn't quite as ignorant as he pretended to be. Likely the man had done private bodyguard work since he owned a good suit and was at ease in upscale restaurants.

In fact that it was going so swimmingly that Waver had to ask, "Care to escort me home, Mr. Philemon?" as they were eating dessert. "We can have some tea if you're not inclined to a nightcap?" 

"I'd love to Mr. Velvet," Iskander started and Waver could hear the refusal in his voice. "But I'm afraid it wouldn't be a good idea. At least not tonight." 

"We're neither of us debutantes," Waver laughed. "I have no reputation to maintain and I won't tell Ms Arturia if you're worried about being unseemly." 

"Saber already thinks we've been taking it too slow," Iskander chuckled and nudged Waver's foot with his own. "Told her I wanted to treat you right." 

"You've been a gentleman," said Waver. "So perhaps we drop the Victorian morals for the night and you can show me why they call you Rider." 

That got a full guffaw from Iskander. The man fairly roared in delight so Waver figured the question of the night's post-dinner activities laid to rest. 

"That was a good one, Mr. Velvet!" Iskander declared as he caught his breath. "Sadly, I still have to decline as much as I'd like to see your riding in action." 

"Are you sure?" Waver affected a wide-eyed guileless expression as he ran his foot up Iskander's calf. He did have the grace to stop at the knee though it was more to be a tease than to avoid indecency. "I'm certain I can make it worth your while." 

"I'm sure you could," Iskander shook his head and fought off a full body shudder at Waver's touch. "Don't take it personally, it's a matter of security." 

"You technically don't work for Grail Corp so it's not fraternization." Waver was pretty sure he was close to what others would call 'whining' but what he thought of as being plaintive. 

"It's more about your security than the company's," Iskander reached for Waver's hand across the table. "There are things you don't know about me yet. We have to leave it dinner for now much as I wish otherwise." 

Half a dozen possibilities flashed through Waver's mind and he was positive he didn't like any of them. "It's not something horrible like you being in an intelligence agency? Media has led me to believe that the lifespans of spy lovers is notoriously short and that rather puts a damper on things." 

"No spies I promise," laughed Iskander. 

The most common and plausible was, "Are you married?" 

"No! I would never--!" All mirth was scrubbed from Iskander's face. "I would never pursue another if I was already involved." 

"What else is there? You're Greek so perhaps you're secretly related to Prince Philip? Should I expect to be featured in a tabloid? Or shoved aside for a royal engagement in a year?" 

Iskander flinched and answered with, "You'll find out soon and if you're still willing to talk to me afterward." 

At which point there was nothing to do but order another serving of dessert since Waver was not going to get the treat he'd been anticipating. "The explanation better be worth the wait, Mr. Philemon," he sighed. 

"I strive to live up to your high standards, Mr. Velvet," Iskander brought Waver's right hand to his mouth and kissed his knuckles so gently that Waver was pretty sure he might expire of frustration in the next few hours.

Two weeks went by and they had short lunch on Saturday: that was the pitiful sum of Waver's interaction with his erstwhile suitor outside of greetings on workdays. 

"If you've changed your mind about me, Mr. Philemon, you need only say so." Waver said that Saturday. "I won't throw a tantrum or anything so disdainful. You are allowed to change your mind." He was far too classy for a tantrum. Waver would just hit the clubs and get inexcusably drunk, a luxury he only allowed himself once in a great while. 

"I promise you, Mr. Velvet, that is not the case at all." Iskander heaved a sigh so weighty Waver was gratified Iskander was feeling equally frustrated. "But you don't have to wait for me. Go have fun with Archer, he keeps pestering Saber and me for your number. Or whoever." 

"I can wait a little longer." Waver made a show of crossing and uncrossing his long legs just to give Iskander a taste of what he was missing. "I find I'm pretty invested in the mystery. Not to mention the novelty of a slow courtship hasn't quite worn off yet."


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dedicated and gifted once more to the fabulous theblindtorpedo! <3
> 
> Big thanks to everyone who left kudos or commented! This was originally a little drabble exercise for theblindtorpedo and somehow got bigger and grew a bit of plot. Your kind words and support meant so much to me as I've been going through a rough patch. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy the final chapter and itty bitty epilogue! Thank you again for reading! <3 
> 
> Warning for massive liberties taken with corporate mergers and such. Most British companies don't use an executive chairman position.

A surprise board meeting was to be held that week, which had the Grail employees buzzing with speculation. Analysis of the last two quarters combined with the next three quarters' projections needed to be presented to the board, the accounts were to be audited, and certain employees were getting called in to the personnel office for long classified interviews. 

"Should we be updating our resumes?" Waver asked his colleague Maiya. "I'd rather not be caught unprepared." 

"We're doing a department betting pool: bankruptcy, merger, or hostile takeover," was her answer. "The others won't play with us since we're the stats folks," Maiya smirked. "They have however been rather generous in wanting to get tips from us to beat their rival departments. So you can really clean up before this house of cards caves in."

"Put me down for merger," he sighed. "Maybe we'll get lucky and the board will be downsized too. We could stand to lose some people up there." 

"I've got two interviews lined up at the end of this month," said Maiya. "You better start shopping around, too." 

The looming specter of possible termination hung over the company putting everyone on edge. Waver felt honor bound to tell Iskander and Arturia though without divulging anything proprietary. "I don't know if your company is telling you anything, but something is happening at Grail Corp. You won't be downsized if your firm loses this contract will you?" 

Iskander and Arturia exchanged meaningful glances and after a few more moments of silence Iskander finally said "We've got other things lined up if this falls through. Your concern is touching, Mr. Velvet." 

"You two know something," the accusation was out of Waver's mouth before manners could kick in and restrain him. "Apologies, if your firm has been given information then it's not my place to know what it is." 

"You're sharp," Arturia almost smiled. "Guess that's why they pay you the big bucks." 

Iskander's face could only be described as brooding and it suited him ill in Waver's opinion. "Nothing is certain yet, Mr. Velvet." 

"Don't worry, I can take care of myself," Waver said. 

The morning progressed what passed for usual since the flurry of memos. Waver hardly touched his coffee because he couldn't afford to look away from his screen for even a moment. When he finally did take a sip it was clear the creamer in the break room had gone off. He spat the coffee out immediately and went to rinse the taste out of his mouth. When he returned to his cubicle his mug had vanished. 

"Joke's on them," he muttered to himself. "It's too disgusting to drink." Coffee theft wasn't normally a thing at their office, that would be sandwich theft from the breakroom fridge, but Waver was too busy to investigate the missing coffee. 

The creamer must have been worse than he thought because by noon Waver was suffering from stomach cramps though they passed almost as swiftly as they had started. Before Waver knew it the day was over and long after his clock out time were the reports for the board finally finished. 

Iskander and Arturia were nowhere to be seen in the even though it was still their shift hours. Instead the security personnel nicknamed Archer and Lancer were manning the front.

"Is everything alright? Where are Rider and Saber?" Waver asked. 

Lancer blurted out, "You mean you don't know?" while Archer merely shrugged and said, "Had to switch shifts in the middle. Happens sometimes." 

One employee Waver could believe fallen ill or needing to swap hours, but both Iskader and Arturia was highly unusual. "Give them my regards and I hope they are both well. Goodnight, gentlemen." 

That night Waver debated calling Iskander, but it seemed presumptuous considering their stalled courtship. Waver settled on a brief but concerned text message. 

The next morning there was still no reply from Iskander and neither he nor Arturia were at their posts. Lancer and Archer were now absent as well. Still the guards on duty bore the uniform of the same security firm so the contract clearly hadn't been terminated. 

At ten Kayneth came by his cubicle and dropped a stack of folders on his desk, "Velvet-boy, be a good little peon and run this up to the fortieth floor conference room," the man drawled. "The board meeting got bumped up to today and all of the interns are out on coffee runs."

A blatant lie, but Waver grit his teeth and smiled, "Of course, sir." 

There meeting had already begun at ten sharp so sending him now would have Waver stumbling in late as if he were a brainless intern instead of one of their premier analysts. 

Seven minutes later Waver ducked into the boardroom quiet as a churchmouse handing the folders to the one of the junior assistants in the back. Avoiding any interaction and slipping back out was the plan, but the bright red hair of a board member caught his eye. When he dared to actually get a good look Waver was flabbergasted to see Iskander at the head of the table. Their eyes met and soon everyone in the room was staring at Waver. 

"I beg your pardon, honored members of the board," Waver murmured with all the due deference of a subordinate. 

"This is one of our brightest analysts here at Grail Corp," Iskander declared with a broad grin. "Mr. Velvet is a magician with numbers. Thank you for bringing the updated reports. It's so admirable that you and the department are committed to make sure our data is up-to-the-minute accurate." 

"You are too kind. Excuse me," Waver gave a quick half-bow that he hoped wasn't too old-fashioned and exited, heart hammering in double time. 

Only the chairman of the board sat at the head which meant that Waver had been impudent and flirtatious with someone who was essentially his boss several times over. Only Emiya had been their chairman and there had been no memos regarding restructuring. Had Emiya even been at the table just now? Waver couldn't recall. 

"Hostile takeover or merger?" Maiya asked leaning against his cubicle. 

"Didn't seem too hostile," he managed to choke out. "And it was larger than a typical board meeting, seems likelier to be a merger." 

"Is it true one of the bigwigs introduced you to the room?" 

How Maiya found out so quickly was nothing less than a marvel. She held up her mobile which featured a text and a pic of Waver in the boardroom that must've been discreetly taken by one of the assistants. 

"My sources work fast," she preened. "Now we have a new pool going. Does this mean promotion, demotion, or termination? Kayneth can't play since he set the whole thing up to make you look bad. I've got two grand on sudden promotion." 

"Indeed," Waver cocked an eyebrow. 

"One, I like to piss off Kayneth and two," Maiya came close to whisper in his ear, "Unlike that snob I noticed the security guard who's been smitten with you and his striking resemblance to the new executive chairman of Grail Corp." 

"Then you should let Kayneth play just for the fun of it," Waver chuckled weakly. "Not that he'd care about the money, but he hates to be wrong." 

"You make a good case." 

***  
At the end of regular working hours Waver made his way back to the fortieth floor. Arturia having anticipated this was waiting by the elevator and escorted him to Iskander's office. He wanted to clear the air and know why Iskander had deceived him, but all Waver's demands vanished when he saw Iskander hunched over in exhaustion at his desk. 

"Congratulations," he said, tone all neutrality while he couldn't decide if he wanted to comfort Iskander or scold him. Best to keep the extravagant desk between them, the distance would help him from keeping a fool of himself. "Quite a step up from the security desk in the lobby." 

"Nicer chairs and snacks," Iskander laughed and his weariness melted away. "Besides Arturia is still here most of the time to make sure my head doesn't swell up." 

"So..." Waver gestured ambiguously as eloquence failed him. What did one even say in this kind of situation? 

Iskander was equally articulate as he responded back, "So...?" 

"Alexander Philemon?" That was the name that was in the memo that was sent as the meeting had concluded. 

"It's what's on my British citizenship papers. Iskander is my Greek name."

"So I got the true name, but a lie about your profession." 

"Hey now, that wasn't a total lie," Iskander corrected as he motioned for Waver to come closer. "I was doing security for Grail Corp, it just happened to be my own security firm and I was being hands-on instead of delegating. I started it after I finished my time in the military." 

Waver thought about maintaining his distance, but Iskander looked like he was starved for his touch and it'd been a long while since anyone him that badly. Without seeming too eager Waver rounded the corner of the desk and stopped just in front of Iskander, near enough to touch if Iskander dared but far back enough to back out if Waver didn't like what he heard. "I assume your imminent executive position was the security reason you cited," he leaned in close enough to smell Rider's earthy cologne. 

"Actually no, Caster recognized me from a party we were both at twenty years ago," huffed Iskander. "Figured I was investigating him." 

"Why would he think that?" Waver arched an eyebrow.

Rider rubbed his neck, "Er, well, there was an incident on the castle grounds during the party-" 

"Castle? And what castle pray tell?" Waver had a feeling he knew where this was going and he wasn't sure it boded well for a relationship together. 

"Windsor Castle," was the sheepish reply. Far too sheepish a response if he was only a lowly member of the peerage, Waver realized. 

"And you were invited there because?" 

"Uh, you guessed right at the restaurant. My pop and Prince Philip are cousins. Surprise?" 

"You're a member of royalty that runs a security firm and you're a millionaire who is executive chairman of one of the highest ranked corporations in the world. Why on Earth do you have any interest in me beyond bedding? Not that I suffer from modesty," Wave tossed his head to showcase his long black hair to full advantage. "But we're rather in two different leagues. We're rather in two entirely different leagues." 

Iskander grinned and shook his head, reaching out to take Waver's hand and press a kiss to it like the day they first met. "Waver Velvet, scion of the genteel Velvet family whose line can be traced back French nobility and presumptive heir to the title of Lord El-Melloi, a baronetcy which includes Yorkshire manor, and was the top of his class at Oxford," recited Iskander with glowing pleasure. "You're no slouch yourself. Certainly not the corporate drone you pretend to be." 

"Did you know all of this before we went to dinner?" 

"What? No!" Iskander laughed. "Saber ran a check on you just before she gave you my number. We needed to know you weren't a plant or being blackmailed. I only read the file myself after the coffee incident on Monday." 

"What coffee incident? Did you meet a barista that could be my body double?" 

Iskander went rigid in his seat, smile disappearing without a trace. "Mr. Velvet, Uryuu poisoned your coffee Monday morning. The one that you spit out. My people were supposed to make sure you got medical assistance."

The knowledge brought a chill to Waver's bones. Had he really come so close to dying? "Are you certain it was an actual poisoning? Tasted like the cream'd gone off," he smiled weakly. 

Iskander clearly sick of holding back pulled Waver into his arms in a fierce embrace. All his concern and affection bubbled to the surface. They hadn't been this close since the fire. 

"No harm done," Waver let himself be clung to and fisted the lapels of Iskander's suit in a bid to do some clinging of his own. "It tasted so awful I was going to pour it down the drain anyway if your people didn't beat me to it so I wasn't in any real danger." 

"My ass you weren't," Iskander growled. With one hand still holding Waver close he used the other to text Arturia. "I should have never gotten you involved in this mess." 

"Really, I'm flattered," Waver maneuvered to sit down in Iskander's delightfully broad lap (which was every bit as pleasant as he imagined it would be). "Not many baronets-to-be can boast of an assassination attempt. We're usually too far down the totem pole. Though I do prefer this to be the first and only one." 

"You won't have to worry about Caster or Uryuu again." 

A very different sort of shiver went up Waver's spine then, a much more welcome one. 

"In light of all the these heady revelations," Waver squirmed purposefully. "How about we finally get to that riding lesson you've been denying me?" 

Iskander's pleased purr was all the answer Waver needed to start undoing the other man's tie and finally kiss him. And then be kissed by him because Iskander kissed like he was invading a continent - determined and eager to penetrate the defenses. Not that Waver cared to put up any resistance, not when he was finally getting what he wanted. Waver didn't even mind when Iskander pulled on his hair, usually an offense that swiftly got other partners kicked out of bed but with Iskander it was intensely hot. 

He shucked his suit jacket to the floor and was halfway out of his shirt when there was a knock at the door. 

"Tell them to go away," Waver ordered between kisses. 

"Can't," Iskander pulled back and cupped Waver's face with his hands. "It's Saber with the doctor. You need to be checked over for any traces of the poison since you weren't on Monday. Please, Mr. Velvet." 

Which was how Waver spent the next half hour being poked and prodded in decidedly unsexy ways by a petite doctor who was a dead ringer for President Emiya's wife while Arturia and Rider had a hushed conversation at his desk. 

"The results will be processed within a day or two," the doctor said cheerfully. "But it sounds like you ingested very little of the poison. The creamer likely had gone bad since the poison we found is one that's near flavorless. So really I think your cramps were just the food poisoning. Bit of luck, wasn't it?" 

"Never thought I'd see the day where I consider food poisoning a best case scenario," chuckled Waver. "Thank you, Doctor...?" 

"Von Einzbern," she replied. "I practice under my maiden name. "Kiritsugu and I like to keep our professional lives separate." 

The week just kept getting more surreal. His security guard love interest turned out to be his new boss (sort of) which led to Waver being the victim of an assassination attempt which was concluding with his other boss' wife literally drawing blood. 

Once Iskander and Saber were informed of Waver's general good health the ladies left though Waver was fairly certain if Saber wasn't just outside the door then Lancer or Archer was manning it in her stead. 

Iskander joined Waver on the couch kissing his cheek - all fondness and far too platonic for Waver's current mood. 

"Back to the riding I hope," Waver quipped. It was his turn to do a little hair pulling by his estimate. 

"Counter offer, we take it back to my place. Even if we don't get to the riding," waggled eyebrows and deep laugh, "I'll sleep easier knowing you're safe with me."

"You have yourself a deal, Mr. Philemon."


	4. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we are earning the 'mature' rating at last! Or is this 'explicit' territory? Takes place a few years after chapter three.

"We're going to be late," Waver half-heartedly protested. A stronger protest was not forthcoming as Iskander had two fingers in him and his mouth on him. 

"No, we're not," Iskander paused from sucking and shot Waver possibly his filthiest grin yet. Which was quite a feat as Iskander had an arsenal of expressions that drove him wild. "We've got plenty of time." The remark was punctuated with him crooking his fingers to brush against Waver's sweet spot (a term Waver abhorred, but Iskander argued that 'prostate' was so clinical to use in bed). 

That resulted in Waver letting out a keening wail and then sharply tugging on Iskander's ears. "In forty minutes Arturia will open that door whether we're in flagrante delicto or not." He bucked his hips because Iskander had the audacity to brush over the gland again. "I prefer not." 

"It's our wedding. We can show up a few minutes later than expected," was Iskander's wheedling response. "And you're so very, very irresistible."

"Mr. Philemon." Fuck it was hot when Waver called him titles in bed. Even if the tone was rather frost at the moment. "I refuse to show up to my own wedding covered in hickeys and dripping inside my tuxedo. The lurid animalistic passion is supposed to be reserved for the honeymoon not an hour before the ceremony." 

"We'll be plenty lurid then, too," Iskander agreed, far too placid for a man who ended the conversation by deep throating his husband-to-be.

Exactly thirty-seven minutes later Waver and Iskander were clean and decent with no lovebites or inopportune dripping when Saber walked in. 

"See you at the altar," Waver gave Iskander an unfairly rousing kiss. 

"It's a date, Mr. Velvet."

**Author's Note:**

> Follow me on [tumblr](juniperstreet.tumblr.com) for fic snippets, open drabble requests, and other miscellany! I love to meet new fandom folk so send me a message any time!


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